BROOM Breaking News

Goats Certainly Can Swim
(The World) While wearily walking our midget minds merely meandered off to the seldom subject of safe swimming.
Happily halting next to a huge herd of grassing goats we inquisitively questioned ourselves whether these cute creatures can successfully cope with large lakes. After rushingly returning to the rare rooms of our hidden headquarters we didn't happen to hesitate to have an interesting interaction with an inspiring institution called internet. Hurriedly hacking in our quick question we fast found the answer to our goat topic. The right reason for this was that many other man and five thousand females had already asked about this actual fact.
A great goat’s possible performance in a public pool surely seems to be a popular part of the serious thinking of countless countrymen. Quite curious? Cool goats can secretly go swimming! (All)

  Menacing Midges: A Highland Hoax?
(Scotland) Having heard about the many mad menacing midges soaring through the Scottish Highlands, newBROOM’s eminent editors decided to buy bottles of fly-repellents and anti-itch gels. Armed with these, they set out to explore, always ready to cruelly combat any menacing midge they would encounter.
They walked the hidden Highland highways, they tramped through mad marshes and lovely lawns. They climbed steep stiles. They were inside and outside of rather ruined ruins of cool castles. They went to puddles, pools, lovely lochs and higher hills. Creepy cliffs and stormy seas could not stop them. But did they see one microscopically miniature midge? No!
So they asked the hospitable Highlanders themselves: Are murderous midges just a Highland hoax? And then they learned that it was a simple quick question of the weather. Whenever the weather is dry and nice, the midges are busily enjoying soaking up the sunshine. Only when it is grey, cloudy and wet they come out to plague tormented tourists and helpless Highlanders alike. So, tourists, make sure you take the good weather with you and you will not be harassed by menacing mean midges! (BC&MF)

newBROOM-e-gram

First of all, and on behalf of all our staff, we want to state our complete disgust at any racist, fascist and anti-refugees attacks that happened during the last months and days. The refugees are coming to Europe because they cannot abide in their homes. They have nothing when they arrive here. The least we can do is make them feel safe and welcome. So, no matter if we list each attack in this column or not, rest assured: We take notice, and we do not look away, and we DO NOT AGREE with those hostilities.
3rd August– American President Barack Obama announced that there would be a plan to take precautions to save the environment, the so-called Clean Power Plan. Er… Yes. Well. Only the American industry doesn’t agree, and Obama’s term of office is due to end soon. A bit late, is it?
5th August – In Pensacola (Florida, USA), a triple murder has been detected. According to the police, the murder is connected to witchcraft and the blue moon. Come again? At least we can rest assured that Death Eaters were not involved since the murder method involved firearms, a hammer and a knife. No wands. And this is supposed to be witchcraft???
12th August – In the Chinese city of Tianjin, a massive explosion killed many people. Among them were workers and firemen. Nobody really knows why the explosion happened – there are rumours that some hazardous goods were stored in the exploded warehouse.
14th August – The American embassy in Havana, Cuba, has been reopened. Wow. Who would have thought these two adversaries would ever manage to talk without fighting?
15th August – It’s VJ-Day, the final end of World War II. The surrender of Japan took place 70 years ago. Countries all over the world commemorated the end of the war.
21st August – A very old message-in-a-bottle was found in Germany. Apparently, the letter inside the bottles dates from 1906. It must have started its journey somewhere in Great Britain.
26th August – An American reporter and her cameraman are shot while live on air. You might now think that this would be a good reason to ponder the restriction of guns in the USA. But lo and behold! The gun lobby actually says that this shooting never happened and was just a PR-measure by the anti-gun lobby to promote more restrictive gun rules. Oh, Americans, do get a grip. Owning a gun is NOT a step towards heroism, it’s more likely a step towards stupidity and worse, crime.
31st August – At last, the new edition of newBROOM is finished - and that even after the eminent editors went on a Highland excursion!

Where the immortals are said to be found…

(Skye/ Scotland) Brian Cullen travelled far and wide to find some of the most curious people in the world. Having learned about a Muggle legend of immortal men fighting with swords to behead each other, he went to the supposed origin of that legend: Dunvegan Castle on the Isle of Skye, Scotland.
BC: So here I am, in front of a rather impressive stone castle called Dunvegan. It is here where the Scottish clan MacLeod has lived and ruled for centuries. According to a Muggle legend, at least two of the clansmen might, for all we know, still be alive and well, even though they were born centuries ago. I have set up a meeting with Angus McDougal, a native of the old MacLeod country. Hello, Angus!
AMcD: Hello, Brian. So you’ve come here to look for the Highlanders?
BC: Uh, yes. I think they were called Connor and Duncan?
AMcD: That’s right, my lad. And, if you come with me now, I can show you loads of MacLeods bearing these names. According to their portraits, they are definitely not the same person through the centuries.
BC: Do you, personally, think that there are immortal Highlanders?
AMcD: No, but, they do bring us good money. Brian, sorry to disappoint you, but this is just a Hollywood idea.
BC: How comes they chose the clan MacLeod for their idea?
AMcD: Maybe because it’s one of the less influential clans in politics and thus was more likely not to protest. Or maybe they accepted some money to restore their castle. I honestly have no idea.
BC: So, basically, it’s all something to get the tourists here?
AMcD: Exactly. No immortals fighting with swords – luckily, I might add, since all the heads falling might put the tourists off their luncheons in the castle café.
BC: Well, thank you very much, Angus!
So Brian went back to Hogsmeade, a bit wiser and a bit sad – wouldn’t the idea of being immortal be great? But then, the only creature close to immortality was You-Know-Who, and look where that brought him. Maybe a limited lifetime does have its benefits, too. (BC) (BC)

Fire Hazards of a Magical Kind

(Romania) In one of the biggest dragon stations in Europe, the summer sun and heat are more of a problem than they are for other regions. Why? Well, read for yourselves.
At the best of times, dealing with dragons is very hard and dangerous work. It’s about feeding them, keeping them out of Muggle sight, keeping them healthy and generally minding their ways. Each breed behaves differently, every breed needs a different kind of occupation. In winter, the dragon need to be sheltered. And in summer? Well, in summer it’s probably the surroundings that are in need of sheltering.
Some dragons react violently to the blossoming of several trees and plants. Like humans, they seem to develop allergies and start sneezing. With non-fire-breathing breeds, that’s annoying but not hazardous. But with the fire-breathing dragons, you are obviously facing a huge problem: When they sneeze, there are sparks coming out of their snouts and nostrils.
Now that there has been so little rain in Europe this summer, all the earth and the tress and so on are incredibly dry. Which means they will light up with the tiniest spark – the danger of forest fires is almost at 100%. So that means that the dragon keepers have a very hard time stopping fires from breaking out and destroying the whole area around the dragon station.
It also means they need to find ways to occupy the dragons which are kept inside to stop them incinerating whole forests. There is no sure-fire way to find some employment for a bored dragon. Some dragons like being read to. Some species like music, others react rather violently to it. Dragon keepers suspect that their ears are too sensitive and music is perceived as abominable noise. The suggestion of providing them with model knights or maids, like dragons in fairy-tales, has been discarded. For one, the fairy-tales are simply not true. For another, dragons rip off the heads of the models and are done – so the fun is rather short-lived. So it is back to trial and error, and finding out what each individual dragon would like to do.
More helpers are sorely needed for that task. If you want to do something worthwhile in your summer holidays, contact the dragon station and become a volunteer. If you need more information, come to Hogsmeade and ask for Hengist Alret. He’ll be able to tell you all you need to know. Do please help save the Romanian woods from dragon fire! (BC&MF)